Guru Grace Gratitude

Still working on my “blogging” skills i.e. posting more regularly. Funny how things in life worth sharing also seem to be so beyond words. Where do I begin to talk about the last couple of months! What a ride. It can be summed up in one word – GURUJI! Or then I can attempt to capture those most precious moments of life in a jumble of words …

The last 11-12 years of my life have been full of Guruji’s presence and guidance. I always felt loved and cared for, and kind of just knew that I will be taken care of. But then there are those times when you really need to be taken care of – and that’s when I have perhaps just begun to understand what being taken care of means. Even then I feel I am only just scratching the surface of the depth of Guruji’s love and care. It has been so beautiful and overwhelming.

Since Guruji has come into our lives (shortly after Aditya and I got married in 1999), life has truly been smooth sailing. And then the last 2-3 months were tough to say the least – for various reasons. I have always been courageous, but for the first time in my life I really felt that I didn’t have it in me to make any effort and just wanted to be carried like a baby. That was my prayer to Him – and how it manifested! Every moment since then has been exactly that. He just filled every moment with love, beauty, caring, and wisdom.

The last month in Bangalore Ashram, all he has done is spend time with us, made everything so effortless and smooth (unlike our initial experiences in the Ashram years ago), and just pampered us. He didn’t give us any work or responsibility. Last time he was going away for a few days he told us to do some asanas and relax! Not once has he walked by us without finding some way to bathe us in his love. On walks, in his Kutir, in his car, on the way to and from satsang …

As soon as we arrived, he asked us to sit in the TRM here. 2,000 part-time teachers! And this was 1 out of 3 groups the Indian teachers were split into. A roomful of devotion, love, commitment, celebration … it can really open up any smallness in you. Really, everyone should spend a few months in this Ashram. It can do wonders to you on every front. The knowledge he shared was so beautiful. And of course as so many of us have experienced so many times, every word personalized. Just what I needed to hear… opening up each little bit of smallness, every little knot in the mind so gently and yet so precisely. And so consistently, day after day, with so much patience! He led another beautiful session on how to deal with volunteers and create that sense of family – it was such validation of how we have been doing things the last several years. And to know that without being explicitly taught these things, we were being guided so beautifully every moment of the last several years.

And in-spite of all the knowledge, wisdom, greatness, grandeur of who he is and what he does, all he has been to me in this last little while is that delicate combination of mother and friend. Above all, just a normal person! He has listened, comforted, understood and just been there! Never once did he preach to me. No expectation of how as a person “in knowledge” I should be. Again and again he gave the most practical and real solutions. And just patiently waited and supported. Just two days ago, I sat outside the Ashram Ayurveda Center feeling blissed out, feeling like everything around me was moving in slow motion and feeling waves of gratitude engulf me. And I felt – time to do some seva now. It’s like he just hit “Ctrl Alt Delete” like only He can in such a short span of time.

There are just so many little precious moments shared, instances of intimacy, joy, playfulness… Maybe I’ll find the words to share more later…

Indian Devotion

It’s been a year since I have been looking at this empty blog!  I just didn’t feel particularly inspired to write much.  I guess life also felt like it was cruising along at even pace – Guruji’s grace, feeling His presence, courses, travel …  Nothing out of the ordinary!  That’s when I started realizing how much beauty you take for granted in your life.  And then the last couple of weeks of being with Guruji in the Canadian Ashram and then traveling with him – Montreal-Boston-Germany-Delhi-Jammu-Delhi … was a shot in the arm.  So much happens in a day.  So many beautiful things that are actually out of the ordinary but for us have just become everyday events.  So I thought of sharing some snippets for all those people who have become family and so much a part of my life in the last few years.  So, here goes ...


Yesterday I experienced Indian devotion at its “best”!  I’ve always seen it and admired it, but what an up close and personal look!  I’ve heard about people killing you with love.  Well Indian devotion can kill you with its intensity – literally!


Guruji was at a house in Delhi where He told us (my husband Aditya and I) to go see Him in the evening.  I got there alone (Aditya had a bad viral cold) and there were about 200 people packed into a tiny driveway in front of a tiny gate, which was the only entry to the compound (there was lots of space on the road behind the driveway but why would you use that)!  I said my name was being called at the gate to go in and about 50 people in front of me responded that their names were being called for meetings.  And none of them was going in!  Why … because nobody was letting anyone in until they got in!  I said to myself – here’s a chance to test out how well I can survive in India.  So for the first time, taking a deep breath (it was a good thing because it was the last deep breath I took for the next half hour!) I jumped into the crowd and pushed and shoved myself towards the gate.  My 2 pet peeves – sweaty bodies clinging to me on all sides and claustrophobia (well I guess this is more than a pet peeve).  What madness!  Closer to the gate the density of the crowd was so high that everybody’s bodies had to be contorted into all shapes – it was one big mass of flesh and sweat!  My body was being moved around from side to side – without me having to do a thing about it!  One big rhythmic dance!


Anyway after 45 minutes of this “moving” experience, by some miracle everyone started calling my name a few hands pulled me and I penetrated this mass … it felt as dramatic as the parting of the red sea to me!  I was wobbly on my feet because I realized I hadn’t really been standing on my feet for the last half hour!  I was just a small particle in this vast expansive human mass!  Who says you need to look at the universe to realize the vastness of this creation!  I was looking at it right in front of my eyes.


As dangerous as Indian devotion seemed to me yesterday, watching it from a distance the last few days has been absolutely beautiful.  Where in the West things are so intellectual, in India it is all heart!  So much love!  And Guruji seems to respond to that in the same way.  He is so playful and charming here.  Every slight gesture he makes brings roars of laughter and adoration from the crowds.  And he gives everyone just what they are looking for.  The message is so simple – just of love and service and caring.  Very little intellectual indulgence.  After 4 years in Canada, it is so refreshing!  It feels so human!  I don’t know about the Canadians or the Indians – my right brain and left brain definitely feel like they are coming into balance!


But the real juice in all of this … After all this, seeing Guruji, one smile from him, one glance – and everything just dissolved into the background.  This has been the flavor of this entire trip … How much he took care of us every single moment.  Even when you think he is busy with other things or is preoccupied – he is right there.  You may get distracted with other things but not Him!  In the middle of chaos, VIP meetings, mealtimes, travel, his attention every moment was unwavering.  The minute my attention went anywhere else even for a split second, he was right there bringing me back into the fold of his love.  You can only wonder what you’ve done to deserve all this!